If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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