Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
