can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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