I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
