youre lurking in front of me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
