Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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