Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize