And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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