I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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