I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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