nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
