My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
