I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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