You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize