Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
