I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
