I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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