Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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