your room smells of hookers.
And success
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
