Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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