i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
