Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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