I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
