Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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