The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
