Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
