need another drink. this is the easiest way
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
