will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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