What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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