I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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