end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
