i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
