so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
