I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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