hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
