So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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