A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
