I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
