i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
