Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
