Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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