If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
