If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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