I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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