all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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