when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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