for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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