The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Houston, we have a squirter
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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