I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
