i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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