Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
