I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize