yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
