Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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