we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize