He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
