my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
