Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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