Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
