Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
