see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
