The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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