lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize