Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
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