oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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