So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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