i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
